Surviving the Holidays: Singleness
The holiday season is often seen as a time to gather and celebrate with loved ones, but for many, it can also be a time of isolation and loneliness. Singles in particular can find themselves feeling left out as others celebrate with partners, children, or extended families. But as followers of Christ, we are called to a different approach—a call to include, care for, and walk alongside those who may be overlooked, especially during this season. A simple invitation is all it takes.
The Heart of God: Inclusion and Invitation
God’s heart is one of inclusion. Psalm 68:6 tells us that God sets the lonely in families, and James 1:27 makes it clear that his heart is for widows and orphans. Jesus himself invites us to walk with him, talk with him, and simply do life with him. It’s in this spirit of inclusion that we are invited to open our homes and hearts to others, especially those who might not have anyone to celebrate with.
As someone who is single, and has been for the past nine years, I cannot tell you how much I have appreciated being invited into someone’s home. Whether it was to celebrate a birthday party or holiday gathering, there is something special about the experience. I felt loved and honored to be part of their family. This is exactly what God does for us. When we accept his salvation, we are no longer orphans but sons and daughters of the Heavenly Father. He brings us into his family and gives us a home and a heritage.
The power of inclusion and invitation is especially clear during the holiday season. The last two months of the year seem to be extra frenetic; there’s just so much going on and so much to do. It’s easy to get caught up and lose sight of others. But what about members of our family and community who are young singles? Or those who have lost a spouse or gone through a divorce? The neighbor you’ve been meaning to talk to, or the co-worker at your office without any family nearby? They each have value to God, and he yearns for them to be in his family, too.
We can just assume “Oh, they already have plans” or “They wouldn’t want to spend time with me and my family.” But too often, our assumptions lead to people feeling unwanted and alone, with nowhere to go.
The Power of Seeing Others
We can address this issue by simply seeing others around us and extending an invitation. Even if the person declines, they will still cherish being noticed, acknowledged, and cared for. It’s a win-win!
Inviting someone into your home can be inconvenient and perhaps uncomfortable, yet this is exactly what the Lord calls us to. Personally, I love staying in my comfort zone. It’s just so, well, comfortable. But the times that I have grown in my faith, the times when I have seen God work, are the instances that I have stepped out of my little “safe zone.”
So it doesn’t matter if the turkey is burnt, the kids are screaming, and the Cowboys (or your team) lose the game. (I know, I know…but in the big picture, it really doesn’t!) Making memories and forming friendships, however, DO matter. Trust me: spoiled plans and overcooked food are the perfect ingredients for memories that will last for years to come. These are the stories (and the opportunities) we invite others into.
It also doesn’t have to be a fancy meal. This season, there is no shortage of events to attend. Is your family planning a drive through Christmas light displays or a trip to the movies? Ask your single friend if they would like to come along. There’s no need to plan a special outing specifically for this person, simply invite them into the plans you have already made.
As I write this, I’m struck by the similarities between including others and including Jesus in our lives. He longs to be part of our routines. It’s usually much easier than we make it out to be. We do not have to plan a solitary hike in the woods to encounter God. He wants to spend time with us as we live our daily lives: commuting to work, running errands, and cleaning the house. It really is that simple. And once we start spending time with Jesus, he opens our eyes to see people as he does. To live like Jesus means we must adopt a slower pace of life.
As Christian author John Mark Comer explains, “Hurry and love are incompatible.” When we are in a rush, we miss out. We ignore people who are hurting. The holidays are notorious for being a season of hurry. How can we slow down this year? What are ways we can simplify to prioritize what God prioritizes? It may seem impossible to decelerate enough to notice those around us. But what if including those around us is actually the solution?
A Word to Those Who Are Single
I know we all find ourselves in different situations, with varying attitudes towards singleness. But I want to remind all of us that singleness is a gift, just as marriage is a gift. Neither one is greater nor of more importance than the other.
Singleness is also an opportunity to be involved in others’ lives. Perhaps friends have an errand needing to be run or children needing supervision during an office party? What better way to embrace your community? Making room for others is not a hindrance, but rather, a help.
Although I have been single for almost a decade, it has only been in the last two years or so that the Lord has impressed upon me the importance of being intentionally single. This means having an undivided heart and focusing on God.
Instead of succumbing to comparison and self-pity, let’s keep our eyes on Jesus who is our Portion. He wants us to come to the feast he has prepared for us, just as we are. Whether we are male, female, single, divorced, widowed, or married, we are all included. He is longing to show us his love and mercy.
So let’s follow his example. Let’s be intentional about seeing those around us—whether they are family members, neighbors, coworkers, etc.—especially those who may be alone. As we open our hearts and our homes to others, we not only share the love of Christ but also embody it in a way that reflects his kingdom on earth.
This holiday season, may we reflect God’s heart of inclusion by caring for those around us. Let’s invite others to share in the joy of the season, offering love, connection, and belonging to those who need it most.
We have more resources to support your mental health and well-being through the holidays. And we'd love for you and your loved ones to join us for Christmas services. Look here for service times and locations for Christmas at Chase Oaks.