After You Say, "I Do"

Start Up

Saying “I do” at a wedding can feel like a finish line, but it actually is the starting point for a journey ahead. It’s a commitment to not just stay together but to build something unique, beautiful, and secure.

• When you are building furniture or putting something together, are you the type of person who follows the directions exactly, step-by-step? Or do you love figuring it out on your own?
• What’s the best relational advice you’ve heard from someone—a parent, friend, author, speaker, or someone else? Why did this stick with you?

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Discuss Together

Read Genesis 2:15-25.

• This passage emphasizes the necessity of each person leaving his or her parents and sticking to his or her spouse in marriage. Does this mean abandoning one’s family? What is this passage communicating about the core of marriage?
• Parents and extended family can complicate relationships and marriage. It can be hard for parents to let go and for adult children to make their spouse the priority over their parents. How have you experienced the complications of extended family in your marriage? What have you learned about navigating the tension of loving your parents and your spouse?
• Jeff mentioned how when kids come along they will also challenge the priority of marriage. He said, “That’s why so many people I know who are my age, now empty-nesters, are getting divorced. They have prioritized their kids so much, and didn’t stay connected to each other.” Do you agree with Jeff?  If you have children, what have you learned about navigating the tension of loving your kids well while prioritizing your spouse?
• Building a marriage isn’t easy, but it can be beautiful. What do you think it takes to build a really solid marriage?
• One thing that can build oneness is conflict even though it sounds counterintuitive. Have you seen how conflict can bring people closer together? What is necessary for conflict to be healthy and purposeful?
• What would you say to someone who is willing to work and grow in his or her marriage, but the other person isn’t all that interested?
• If you are married right now, would you say you are increasing in oneness or are you creeping toward separateness? What can you do to move more and more toward oneness? Does a priority need to change?
• If you are married, what do you most need to add to help you build greater purpose together? Is it a consistent check-in to talk through how you are doing? Is it a regular date to kindle romance? Or is it a yearly honeymoon to get quality time for just the two of you?